Arsenal flop gets the nod for worst ever haircut in the Premier League
There are some things in life that won’t change. One of them is that footballers will always find a way to disgust us with their sense of style.
Sometimes it’s with ludicrous sartorial decisions – like each and every time Alex Song steps out of his house with a giant, felt hat – but, more often than not, it’s with their haircuts.
Not only is it somehow OK for footballers to bleach their hair blond these days(Aaron Ramsey, Samir Nasri and Lionel Messi should hang their heads in shame), but it’s been going on for years. For some reason, one of the byproducts of playing football professionally (as well as the cash, cars and mansions) is that you’ll be more than willing to go into a hairdressers and say, “make me look like a complete and utter bellend.”
On that note, let’s look at the candidates for the worst ever Premier League haircuts
Aptly nicknamed Sideshow Bob, David Luiz first brought his pubey perm to England’s top-flight in 2011 and, unlike a fine wine, it’s diminished over time.
For us, he’s a clear winner (or loser) in the Premier League’s long and dreadful-haircut-laden history. The Ivory Coast and former Arsenal man is a pioneer of this woeful style. Despite having a hairline that begins somewhere near the top of his spine, he’s decided it was a good idea to grow some lank dreadlocks, held in place by a shit headband. It’s even more shocking when you consider that he still has this haircut.
OK, so he doesn’t have one awful haircut that we all remember, but, like the defensive midfielder who gets sent off for a number of lesser infractions rather than one studs-up horror tackle, Mario Balotelli makes this list for repeat offending.
Say what you like about Marouane Fellaini, but he’s persistent. He’s been wearing the perm your gran had on her wedding day since he first appeared at Everton in 2008. Recently, he somehow elevated his haircut to the next level of hideous barnets when he bleached it a subtle blond. Simply awful.
“Can you make my hair look like a clump of rotting worms,” asked a young Juan Cuadrado as he stepped into the hairdressers. And he’s had the same awful lid ever since.
Not that different from Cuadrado’s chop, Sagna sported a terrible centre-parted dreadlock number for years at Arsenal. This season, he’s seen the error in his ways and shaved his head. All is forgiven, but not forgotten.
It would be a travesty if we didn’t have this guy on the list. What’s worse than a head of blindingly bleached blond hair? A goatee to match.
Most on the list have one glaring offence against their name, but Raheem Sterling’s had a number of haircuts that should have seen him banned for life from Football League stadiums.
One of life’s curious facts: No man has ever looked better with a pony tail than they would without it. David Seaman proved this for the majority of his playing career.
We felt somewhat let down when Freddie Ljungberg rocked a dreadful haircut. He was a style icon off the pitch. Then he had to go and spoil it all by turning out with some red thing he found dead at the side of a road on top of his head.
A veteran of the shit haircut, Barry Venison rocked a mullet for more than a decade. Like Fellaini, he found his shit haircut, and stuck with it. Wonderfully appalling stuff.