Manchester United star Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s greatest ever quotes

Manchester United superstar Zlatan Ibrahimovic has been on fire in the Premier League, despite being a punchy 35 years old.

And the outrageous striker doesn’t appear to be slowing down in his twilight years, both on and off the pitch.

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He’s still scoring for fun and he’s still prone to the odd ridiculous, but hilarious, comment.

Here’s a list of his best to cheer you up on a Tuesday.

“Zlatan doesn’t do auditions.”

Arsene Wenger offered a then-teenaged Ibrahimovic a trial at Arsenal in 2000. Unimpressed that the Frenchman didn’t want to sign him outright, that’s what Ibrahimovic had to say.

“What [John] Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.”

Ibrahimovic was unimpressed by John Carew’s criticism over his exuberant style of play. Carew had described Ibrahimovic’s flicks and tricks as “pointless,” and was swiftly put in his place.

“First I went left; he did too. Then I went right and he did too. Then I went left again and he went to buy a hot dog.”

Former Liverpool defender Stephane Henchoz was turned inside out by Ibrahimovic, and that’s what the giant Swede had to say about it.

“When you buy me, you are buying a Ferrari. If you drive a Ferrari you put premium petrol in the tank, you hit the motorway and you step on the gas. [Pep] Guardiola filled up with diesel and took a spin in the countryside. He should have bought a Fiat.”

Ibrahimovic and Pep Guardiola never saw eye to eye during the Sweden striker’s sole season under him at Barcelona. As always, Ibrahimovic had to have his say.

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“What do you mean, ‘present?’ She got Zlatan.”

When asked whether he would be buying his ex girlfriend an engagement gift.

“We’re looking for an apartment. If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy the hotel.”

Ibrahimovic was asked where he would be living in Paris upon his unveiling as a PSG player. Only the best for Zlatan.

“We were looking through his playlist in the dressing room — there was lots of Justin Bieber, Jonas Brothers and Selena Gomez. It is nice to know that even David Beckham doesn’t have good taste in everything.”

Zlatan didn’t approve of his former PSG team-mate’s choice of music…

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“A World Cup without me is nothing to watch, so it is not worth waiting for the World Cup.”

When Sweden failed to qualify for the World Cup, Ibrahimovic made it clear that he wouldn’t be watching the tournament.

“It felt like I had 11 babies around me.”

Ibrahimovic was red-carded against Chelsea in a 2015 Champions League tie. He was less than impressed by the Blues players’ reaction to his challenge.

“I don’t give a s— who wins. I’m going on holiday.”

His response after Sweden were eliminated in Euro 2012.

“I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or in kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house.”

Zlatan’s verdict on fellow maverick Mario Balotelli setting fire to his own home having set off fireworks in his bathroom.

“I didn’t injure you on purpose and you know that. If you accuse me again I’ll break both your legs, and that time it will be on purpose.”

Another old foe of Ibrahimovic, Rafa van der Vaart, suggested that his former Ajax team-mate deliberately crocked him. Zlatan wasn’t best pleased.

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“It was the fault of David Trezeguet, who made me do one drink of vodka after another. I slept in the bathtub. Now I hold my vodka much better.”

Zlatan credited David Trezeguet for getting him well and truly shitfaced after Juventus’s title win in 2005.

“Then Guardiola started his philosopher thing. I was barely listening. Why would I? It was advanced bull**** about blood, sweat and tears, that kind of stuff.”

Did we already mention that Guardiola and Ibrahimovic didn’t get on all that well during their time together at Barcelona?

“[Jose] Mourinho is Guardiola’s opposite. If Mourinho brightens up the room, Guardiola pulls down the curtains and I guessed that Guardiola now tried to measure himself with him.”

Just in case you missed the first two…

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“I haven’t met her yet. But when I do, I’ll date her.”

Zlatan’s response when asked to name the world’s most beautiful woman. He’s a modest guy really.

“People trash-talk me. I’ve heard so much s— over the years: ‘F—ing gypsy’, stuff about my mum — all that stuff. I retaliate with my body, not with words.”

And he’s retaliated by bagging a bucketload of goals and winning a shed load of trophies. Can’t argue with that.

“You can’t coach brilliance like that.”

Maybe he’s born with it? Here he was referring to his magnificent bicycle kick against England in 2012.

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“I won’t be the King of Manchester, I will be the God of Manchester.”

That’s what Zlatan thought of Eric Cantona’s claims that he could be the “Prince of Manchester”

“Who needs a nickname? To be afraid of me, just watch me play”

A swipe at Radamel Falcao’s nickname, ‘El Tigre’. You have to admit, Zlatan’s got a point about that one.

“If I had played in England I would have destroyed it, like I have everywhere else.”

We’ll find out if this one’s true over the next couple of seasons.

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